Rationale Meets Irrational

http://youtu.be/yjG4rA2GzRk Welcome to my new blog “Queer Girl Gets Married.” I’ve decided to start this blog for a few reasons and here is #1: First of all, I am not the only one. There are lots of people with sexual orientations other than heterosexual who find themselves married to someone of the opposite sex. Let’s rephrase that: who choose to…   …read more.

Cougars & Goatees

When I first met Guo Jian, I had already noticed him. I was in a music venue in Beijing called “Mao Live House” in June of 2007. I had just performed with my American friend Traci’s (now ex-)boyfriend’s band. I played three songs, one of which was backed up by her boyfriend’s band members after only one really casual rehearsal…   …read more.

Triangular Skirts

One of the most common discussions that queer women have when we first get together is about our past relationships. We talk about our exes, what we’ve learned, what we hated about the dynamics, what we wish had been different. We often talk about the ex-ex-exes too and string each experience together like a series of episodes in a complex…   …read more.


The second time I met Guo Jian was on my second journey to China. I was three days into my trip. I had arranged to meet my friend Traci at a local folk music bar and she felt like a beacon in my fog. I didn’t really know why I had come back. There was some sort of invisible magnetism…   …read more.

Why I Don't Identify As Bisexual

I wrote an article last year that was published in Herizons Magazine called “Corridors of Queer.” It was more of an academic piece and less of a story like this blog. Still, it was about this very topic and its intent was to bring to light the experiences of women like myself who have chosen to be with men but…   …read more.

Training Woes

When I finally got to know him better—again, through Traci and her boyfriend and her group of musician friends—it was with music that we communicated the most. It was our common fluent language. He invited me to some jams. I met lots of other players. He invited me to hear some traditional music and to see some Chinese instruments played….   …read more.

Salt & Pepper

We were sitting in a vegetarian restaurant talking, me with my dictionary in my hands and him with his patience and sparse smattering of English words for linguistic emergency. He was explaining the core meaning of the Tai Chi Yin-Yang symbol to me. He grabbed the salt & pepper shaker from the table. (These are rare on Chinese tables, but…   …read more.

Heart Pastures

Now, just to catch you all up, I’m going to insert a little additional context to this storytelling. First of all, I’m going backwards in time here. I’m telling the story chronologically. I came to China for the first time in the late spring of 2007 and stayed for 3 months. During that time, I noticed but didn’t get to…   …read more.

Roller Coasters

The last few weeks of my second trip to China included a lot of hanging out Guo Jian. I wasn’t taking it very seriously, though. He represented a sort of sugar-high daydream that China had become for me—liberty, foreign culture, exploration, healing—that I knew logically was soon to be doused with the cold Canadian reality of my established life and…   …read more.


I love my ex-partner very much. We were together for nine and a half years and had a lot of great times. We grew up together. As I’ve mentioned, we were also in an open relationship, a decision that suited us both—sometimes one more than the other—and remained a consistent feature in our partnership for the full duration. I have…   …read more.

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