Sometimes it all has to fall apart for it to feel whole. It’s when you have nothing—nothing in the way you’ve been previously conditioned to value your worth—when you realize how much wealth you really possess. Sometimes it’s in the breaking that you finally heal, in your heart, in your sense of loving yourself or at least truly accepting yourself…   …read more.

Waterfall Rainbows

So, as you have read by now, that December 2007, my long-term relationship ended. It created a cascade of closure crashing around me, the effects of which I liken to trying remain standing upright at the foot of a waterfall. By March, after a spontaneously cancelled Australian tour left a gap in our pre-booked show schedule, I bought another flight…   …read more.

U-Haul Straight Boy

That spring of 2008 when I came to China to really see if we had a shot, when it came to the living situation, Guo Jian acted like a U-Haul lesbian. At least years of being surrounded by that community behaviour—where new lovers would move in together within a month or two—meant that I could recognize it, if nothing else….   …read more.


Back in the late 90’s, I used to nickname my mailing list “signees” this cute play on words: “M-Embers,” that is until a male friend made a joke about how much that nickname made him think about genitalia. I was mortified! I promptly stopped using that in my (then just postal) mailings about my shows. I’m admitting this because I…   …read more.

Dyke Cousin: Parts 1 & 2

I know this is a blog about my partnership and the courtship that eventually led to my decision to get married to this creature known as Guo Jian. But, if this is a full story then you sometimes need some sub characters. Guo Jian’s cousin is one of those characters. She plays a role in this story of identity, identity…   …read more.


Why do men seemingly feel no sense of urgency when it comes to changing boxers or socks? We fought. When one of us made dinner, didn’t it make sense for the other to do the dishes? He agreed to this, reluctantly, but never agreed to a timeline on the task. Sometimes two or three days went by before he actually…   …read more.

The Second Coming (Out)

Sometimes love is revelatory, not unlike religion… Seems fitting to post this one right after the Christmas holidays! Here’s hoping your holidays have been wonderful and I want to wish you all a very Happy New Year! -es ****************************************************************************************************** After the three-month living together experience in China that spring of 2008 was over, I went back to Canada. At the…   …read more.

Crossing Over

Sorry for the delayed posting of this regular blog, but it’s been a big week! This is a regular series that tells the retrospective story of my current partnership, but the current version of this story includes the recent birth of our new little girl! So, thankfully, I had per-written this posting before she arrived on Monday and so I’m…   …read more.

The Argument for Marriage

As I’ve spoken about already, we started living together before we got married. Guo Jian wasn’t comfortable with it. It’s still a new concept in China and even though he’s a modern guy who looks like he stepped off the streets of Toronto with his dreadlocks and stage-ready stance, he is still a product of his culture. Up until just…   …read more.

The Great Toilet Seat Debate

When I read Lindsy Van Gelder’s “The Great Personhole Cover Debate,” I was seventeen and in my last year of high school. I remember the essay so well. It opened my eyes to the obvious injustices of gendered language that exist in my everyday—injustices that I had never noticed or worried about until that moment. And, as a lover of…   …read more.

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