I’m writing this on the eve of leaving for Canada for our summer tour. By this time tomorrow, I’ll be arriving at my home city of Toronto and will be greeted by my parents. I can’t wait! It’s been too long since I’ve seen my family and they’re aching to see their granddaughter. More than anything, though, I’m aching to tell them this news.

By the time this post is live, they’ll already know. You see, I’ve known for two months now and it’s been difficult not to share the news with them, let alone the rest of you.

Why have I mostly kept the news under wraps? Well, my sister is just one week away from her due date with her second child. She’s had a rough high-risk pregnancy with a condition called “placenta previa.” This condition has kept her off her feet for most of the pregnancy and it’s kept the rest of the family on their toes with worry and anxiety. It’s also been a bumpy road for my sister as she’s tried for several years to have a second child and has had some misses. In other words, the whole family has been holding its breath. We are so excited that all is well and the baby is healthy in there!

My dad confessed to me that he’s always very stressed out and anxiety-ridden when we’re pregnant. Unlike my mother, he said that he couldn’t really celebrate the news of a new grandchild on the way until the baby was actually born. His babies are his daughters and they are at risk while pregnant—taken over by a foreign and parasitic force, so-to-speak. I heard his words and felt his worry about my sister very acutely that day.

So, when I discovered I was pregnant two months ago, the last thing I wanted to do was add more anxiety to the family mix. But, even though my sister may not have delivered my new nephew by the time I arrive in Canada on June 11^th, I’m still going to have to tell them when I see them at the airport. How will I be able to avoid the words from tumbling from my lips? There may be a week of overlapping anxiety, but it can’t be helped, I’m afraid.

And, if you look carefully, you can already see a rise on my midriff anyway. The astute onlookers will not think that bulge is evidence of too much ice cream this time. The rest of me still looks pretty normal.

There is good to report about this pregnancy. Unlike my last pregnancy during which I was mostly miserable the whole time and trying to stay positive for both my blogs and my immediate friends and partner, this pregnancy is already going much better. Some nausea and a week of vomiting around week #7 subsided into just a few waves a day of nausea and an ability to keep my food down, not spiral into dark depression, and maintain a pace of life that is in line with my normal pace of life. In other words, I haven’t had to adjust for this pregnancy very much and that’s a great gift.

The other thing to report about this pregnancy that makes me much happier is that I haven’t exploded yet, weight-wise. My last pregnancy was physically difficult because I was already 11lbs up at just 13 weeks. While it shouldn’t be about weight, the rising needle on the bathroom scale did a number on my self-esteem. It was a long recovery after my body “betrayed” me (I seriously felt that way!) by gaining 56lbs (25kg). I managed to lose it all, however, in less than a year and I’m very grateful for that. This time is already different and, no matter what, I now know that I can and will recover. That’s a reassuring feeling overall.

I’m planning to give birth in Canada this time. I have already secured a midwife and my first check-up will happen just a week after I arrive in Canada. I’ll schedule an ultrasound for July and that will help us confirm a due date. Until then, I’m just roughly gauging that these two children, Echo and the bump (no nickname yet) will be two years apart, almost exactly.

Let’s hope they’re not born on the exact same day! Although, that would make birthday parties easier!